Ask A Chef (Mental Health Edition): What are some stressors people might not know about?
Yes, chef!
Being a chef isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sure, you get to work with food, unleash your creativity, and join a community of like-minded people. However, what most don’t see are the gruelling hours, intense physicality, immense pressure for consistency, unforgiving heat of the kitchen, and a laundry list of responsibilities pre- and post-service.
On top of the cooking, chefs are tasked with taking inventory, recipe development, planning menus, managing marketing, and so much more. While some may be able to distance themselves from the chef life outside of work, for many others, being a chef is an all-encompassing lifestyle. In other words, the role itself can be a weight that they carry on their shoulders wherever they go.
If it isn’t already clear, running a restaurant is definitely not for the faint-hearted. So, taking care of one’s mental health is all the more important in this line of work. To get more insight into how chefs take care of their mental health, we spoke to Fifty Tales’ Aaron Khor; Asya Tan of Table & Apron, Universal Bakehouse, and Basic Wine Store; and Aidan Low from Akâr Dining for this edition of Ask A _. Read on to find out what they had to say!
AARON KHOR
Head chef and co-owner, Fifty Tales
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO BECOME A CHEF?
The professional kitchen was a place full of things to learn and solve. I loved it all, including the challenge and the pressure, which I embraced along with the rewards as they came.
Then, there is also the other side of me, who loves to be able to be of service. I enjoy my ability to make things, cook food, share stories, relive moments and simply do it all with my own two hands. I am content when I am able to do that. Whenever I am in the position to make someone happy, I will do it gladly.
DESCRIBE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AS A CHEF.
I would say it is very important not only as a chef, but as a person in every aspect of our lives. There were many dark moments in my life that I had to face head on. During those moments, I did not have the right tools and the right support system.
Many years later, I realised that it is so important to have a great network of support and a clear anchor in your beliefs. There will always be some white noise and difficulties that we have to endure, so I can’t stress enough the importance of managing your mental capacity and health to excel or even survive, as some may say.
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RATE YOUR WORK/LIFE BALANCE OUT OF TEN.
It is very difficult to put a number on something that I can’t quantify. However, I would say that I am managing it well enough to know that I don’t feel exhausted to do anything outside of work. I always look forward to going to the restaurant, spending time with my family and my partner, and eating at new places all the time.
I pretty much live on Google Calendar, so it helps a lot with balancing everything in my life. It is always filled up three months in advance for work, so clearly, it has proven to be a very important tool in my life for maintaining stability. With that being said, there is still room for improvement and there are still days that are more difficult than others, but I remind myself it is all part of a journey!
WHAT ARE SOME STRESSORS OF BEING A CHEF THAT MOST PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT?
I actually despise it when I am not able to do what I’ve said I would. There have been times when I mention and/or promise to make things happen and execute it well. Subsequently, if I miss a deadline or fail to achieve the said target, it gets into my head. I spiral and start to question my capabilities.
I tend to be my own worst enemy and treat everything as a competitive match. With that, it can take a toll on me when I set unrealistic expectations for myself. Nevertheless, I have learned to be more forgiving to myself, but I still do get stressed out when I’m working on important projects.
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WHAT ARE SOME PERSONAL HABITS YOU COMMIT TO THAT HELP KEEP YOU SANE?
I have my non-negotiables. One of them is to cook at home at least once a week. Being able to remind myself about my love for food and making simple home-cooked food for my family and myself keeps me grounded.
Another habit of mine is actually consistently voicing out my struggles, and asking for support, whether it be from my partner or family. I used to suppress my stressors and trudge on, but I would always eventually explode. Now, I prioritise asking for different opinions and perspectives on whatever that may be bothering me. It keeps me planted and really helps with understanding an external perspective rather than keeping things internal.
HOW DO YOU UPKEEP YOUR TEAM’S MORALE?
One of the important things I do is set a good example. To me, a leader is in the frontlines and ahead of the charge. I take pride in paving the way for the team and making sure they give their all. Most importantly, I do this to let them know that they are never alone and that I always have their backs. They will always have my unwavering support.
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DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU OFTEN MISS OUT ON FAMILY MILESTONES OR CELEBRATIONS BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB?
Yes, I did feel so very often back then. However, it is simply the nature of the job when we are young and we have to make use of our youth to make the best of our years. Do I regret that I have missed out on many milestones in my own life? Yes, of course, however, I have learnt to make peace with it and I always look forward to spending any time I have with my family.
My job is indeed my life and it is a lifestyle that I will have to live with. But it is on me to put in the effort to make the world around my job understand where I come from. I can’t expect others to accept my shortcomings when I have not made space for others to understand me in the first place.
WHAT’S SOMETHING THAT MOTIVATES YOU THROUGH YOUR LONG HOURS IN THE KITCHEN?
The one thing that motivates me the most is that there is always something different to do everyday. New dishes and ideas to R&D, menus to create, events to set up, techniques to practise, skills to improve, problems to solve, and new customers and people to converse with. There is always something new to do.
HOW OR WHERE DO YOU FIND SUPPORT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH ON THE JOB?
Firstly, I depend heavily on my belief system, which is God. My belief system keeps me centred and grounded. It reminds me to always be grateful for opportunities and new challenges to overcome.
Secondly, I have a lot of faith in my team and my business partners, so that we all can overcome obstacles together. Being a chef, it is very important to know that we are never alone. Lastly, I look to my family and my girlfriend. I can always rely on them to help me brave the storms. I would say that they are my last line of defence. If all hell ever breaks loose, I have faith that they will be there with me.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A CHEF AND ITS TOLL ON MENTAL HEALTH?
I wish more people knew that you’re not supposed to suppress your emotions and sink all your thoughts, beliefs, anger, frustration, fear, anxiety, and stress with a “yes, chef”.
It is my hope that when all of us work together in a kitchen, we have a safe space for our colleagues and staff—who we see more often than most—to talk about things that matter and how we all can work better together. We, as chefs, need to remember to ask “are you okay?” and to be able to take a “no, chef”. It goes a long way.
ASYA TAN
Managing partner and Director of Operations, Table & Apron, Basic Wine Store, and Universal Bakehouse
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO BECOME A CHEF?
Becoming a chef wasn’t something I chose to begin with. It kind of just happened as I followed my love for food and cooking. I’ve always been particular about what I eat, how it’s cooked, and where the ingredients come from. Seasonal produce, especially, excites me because it’s so fresh and inspires dishes that really capture the essence of each season.
It was a slow build-up but I found my way and came to understand why people say not every cook can be a chef. Being a chef also means taking on a lot of responsibility in the kitchen. It’s a role that requires more than just cooking skills—it’s about managing a kitchen and a team.
DESCRIBE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AS A CHEF.
To me, mental health is important for everyone, not just chefs. Chefs and most people in the service sector need to maintain good mental health because the work requires long hours of focus and interaction with people. Things happen that require immediate decisions or actions, and we need to stay composed while dealing with them.
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RATE YOUR WORK/LIFE BALANCE OUT OF TEN.
Seven out of 10 as of now, depending on where you are in your life at that moment. I always think of my work-life relationship as harmony, not balance. For example, today I tried out a new dish I’ve been wanting to make for a long time, so I spent more time in the kitchen than usual, but I enjoyed it. Afterward, I went to a place that serves my comfort food, talked to my favourite people, enjoyed a glass of good wine, and called it a day.
My heart was full, and I felt inspired, but honestly, I was “working” the whole day to some extent. To me, it’s about integrating work and life in a way that brings joy and fulfilment.
WHAT ARE SOME STRESSORS OF BEING A CHEF THAT MOST PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT?
Being a chef is a creative role, but in reality, it’s not just about creating dishes. It’s about coordinating with all stakeholders (front and back of the house), and probably marketing too. After creating a dish, we deal with guests’ feedback and at the end of the month, we have the financial report to see if the dish makes economic sense. There is also the pressure to constantly innovate and stay ahead of trends while maintaining consistency in quality.
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WHAT ARE SOME PERSONAL HABITS YOU COMMIT TO THAT HELP KEEP YOU SANE?
Running early in the morning, hiking, yoga (in general, working out and sweating out all the stress, haha). I also enjoy doing something that’s not work-related every now and then, like going to an exhibition, gallery, fishing, or taking a road trip.
HOW DO YOU UPKEEP YOUR TEAM’S MORALE?
I have one-on-ones at least once a month with key team players (primarily the leads), arrange outings, share inspiring posts, morale-boosting articles, and buy books for them to read. I try to encourage them to do what they want and compliment them when needed. Building a supportive and positive team culture is crucial. I listen to their concerns and do my best to provide constructive feedback, and celebrate their achievements.
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DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU OFTEN MISS OUT ON FAMILY MILESTONES OR CELEBRATIONS BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB?
Yes and no. I will still take leaves when I need to attend important events. If it’s for a festival, we could celebrate it on a different day. I believe in quality time, regardless of whether it’s on the actual day or not.
What matters most is being able to get together for that moment. We need to ensure we get oxygen for ourselves first before we can give it to others. It’s about making the most of the time we have and being present when it matters.
WHAT’S SOMETHING THAT MOTIVATES YOU THROUGH YOUR LONG HOURS IN THE KITCHEN?
The satisfaction of the dishes and when the customers feel the same way about my dishes as I do. That alone is enough for me to cook for them again and again. The kitchen is where I express my creativity and continuously learn and improve. While managing it can be stressful, it’s also my happy place. The thrill of a busy service, the teamwork with my staff, and the joy of perfecting a dish make the long hours worthwhile.
HOW OR WHERE DO YOU FIND SUPPORT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH ON THE JOB?
I usually seek support from peers in the industry or talk to Marcus (my managing partner) about it. However, it’s challenging because most of my peers are men, and there are rarely any female chefs in the Klang Valley who share similar experiences.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A CHEF AND ITS TOLL ON MENTAL HEALTH?
Being a professional chef is not just about cooking food. As you continue to advance in your career, there will be many more tasks—from admin work to people management—that aren’t related to cooking. And even when it comes to cooking, we can’t finish a dish alone; we need help from others. Ensuring they do exactly what you need is a skill in itself, and it can be mentally exhausting.
AIDAN LOW
Head chef and co-owner, Akâr Dining
WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO BECOME A CHEF?
Cooking has been a passion of mine since I was young. It’s something I’ve always loved and found deep resonance with. Over time, this love for cooking has evolved into a profound interest in how food relates to the broader dynamics of community and culture.
I find it fascinating how the act of preparing and sharing meals can bring people together, reflecting and shaping the values, traditions, and social bonds within a community. Food is not just about sustenance, it’s a powerful medium through which cultures intertwine and communicate. Knowing this allows me to explore and contribute to the rich tapestry of human connections. This intricate relationship between food, community, and culture is what truly drives my passion for becoming a chef.
DESCRIBE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAINTAINING YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AS A CHEF.
Maintaining mental health as a chef is crucial due to the demanding nature of the job. During my early years, I often worked 14-15 hour shifts, constantly focused on perfecting my craft. This singular focus left little room for anything else, and I became consumed by work.
The pressure to avoid mistakes made me angry at even the smallest errors, creating a toxic environment for myself. I pushed myself harder to avoid having any time to think, which only exacerbated the stress. This taught me the importance of balancing work with self-care. Prioritizing mental health helps prevent burnout and ensures a sustainable, fulfilling career in the kitchen.
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RATE YOUR WORK/LIFE BALANCE OUT OF TEN AND EXPLAIN YOUR CHOICE.
I would rate my work/life balance as a nine…as in nine for work and one for life. My life revolves around the restaurant. Most of my trips overseas are for work, often to cook in different locations or to meet someone related to the industry. Even when I travel, it’s usually to discover new ingredients or techniques that can enhance my culinary skills.
With that being said, I do allow myself that one point for keeping up with life to make time for family gatherings and important family milestones. This small balance ensures I maintain all my essential personal connections despite my demanding career.
WHAT ARE SOME STRESSORS OF BEING A CHEF THAT MOST PEOPLE MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT?
Some stressors of being a chef that most people might not know about include the constant balancing act required to keep everything running smoothly. It’s a very fine line that we walk every day, where anything can go wrong at any moment. This ranges from small mishaps such as the air-conditioning not working to more serious, life-threatening issues like a colleague getting a deep cut on their hand. Managing these risks while trying to create and maintain “tasty” and “beautiful” food adds a significant layer of stress to the job.
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WHAT ARE SOME PERSONAL HABITS YOU COMMIT TO THAT HELP KEEP YOU SANE?
To help keep myself sane, I commit to several personal habits. My exercise routine is crucial. It helps me manage stress and stay physically better. Additionally, I try to maintain a better diet and improve my eating habits, ensuring I have the energy and mental clarity needed for the demanding nature of my job. These practices are essential for maintaining both my physical and mental well-being.
HOW DO YOU UPKEEP YOUR TEAM’S MORALE?
To upkeep my team’s morale, I focus on celebrating moments and even the smallest wins together, fostering a sense of shared achievement. We take our losses with dignity, always looking forward rather than inward. Instead of dwelling on mistakes or playing detective, we concentrate on finding solutions and moving forward. This positive and proactive approach helps maintain a motivated and cohesive team.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE YOU OFTEN MISS OUT ON FAMILY MILESTONES OR CELEBRATIONS BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB?
Yes, I definitely miss out on a lot.
HOW OR WHERE DO YOU FIND SUPPORT WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH ON THE JOB?
When things get tough on the job, I find support from my team. I’m fortunate to have a group of dedicated individuals who are always ready to step up. No matter how challenging the job gets, we pull through together. This strong team support is invaluable and helps me navigate the toughest times.
WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH MORE PEOPLE KNEW ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO BEING A CHEF AND ITS TOLL ON MENTAL HEALTH?
One thing I wish more people knew about being a chef and its toll on mental health is the importance of having a strong support system within the team. It’s crucial to know your own limits and stressors and actively manage them. Openly discussing these issues with your team and having faith in the process can make a significant difference in maintaining mental well-being.
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