Ask A Life Coach: What are some wellness habits these gurus swear by?
Nobody’s perfect
Riding through the waves of life is never easy, especially if you’re doing it alone. Whether you’re navigating change, coming up with a vision for your future, or simply seeking fulfillment, a life coach can be the ultimate partner in guiding you through the ups and downs of your journey.
A life coach is a wellness professional who has been trained in helping people set goals, improving their quality of life, and overcoming obstacles. They also equip you with the right tools to turn your life around and get you on the right path. While some life coaches can help with your overall well-being, others specialise in certain aspects of life such as career and finance.
For this edition of our Ask A _ column, we wanted to find out more about what it’s really like to be a life coach and how connecting with one can benefit us. We sat down with three local life coaches who shared their wisdom on what life coaching is really like, how it can help you make positive changes, and what wellness habits help them.
SARAH LIAN
Certified Holistic Coach from Holistic Coach Training Institute, certified in 2022
HOW AND WHEN DID YOU REALISE YOU WANTED TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?
I started Supparetreat in 2018 with the intention of expanding my business to experiences. I was hiring coaches to assist me with this vision and thought if I were to get myself certified, I’d be able to help others within my own capacity. So, I signed up for a course and started understanding what it meant to support others as a life coach and how to get them to move from surviving to thriving.
HOW DOES ONE APPROACH A LIFE COACH?
I think it’s important to learn about what the life coach focuses on and how they want to support. Most coaches work with a discovery call to see if it is the right fit. Not every coach will be the right one for you. You should always feel safe and you’ll know in your gut if it’s the right one!
HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE CLIENTS TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES?
I work with my clients and understand what is most important to them and why. We help unpack limiting beliefs and what prevents them from taking steps towards their end result.
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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH DIFFICULT CLIENTS OR SITUATIONS?
I think it’s fascinating the way we attach meaning to different circumstances. It is not my role to judge their situation or process, but to simply help them understand it and guide them to unpack situations or untangle the mess in their heads. Sometimes, that’s where the magic really happens. It can often be uncomfortable or even triggering but once they become conscious of their blocks, it’s up to them to decide how they want to change.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS RESISTANT TO CHANGE?
I’d probably ask them, “how has the idea of change impacted your life?” and then lean in. Their answers will give me clues as to how I can navigate their resistance.
WHAT ARE SOME WELLNESS HABITS YOU SWEAR BY?
Journaling is incredible and so underrated. The more honest you are with yourself, the more you can really grow. I also encourage people to connect through group activities because you never know how other people can help mirror truths you didn’t want to see. Supparetreat and the community I built over five years ago have been a place where I have seen so much growth in individuals.
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HOW DO YOU STAY GROUNDED THROUGH ALL THE COACHING AND GUIDANCE YOU PROVIDE DAILY?
Coaching is not about me, it’s about holding space and creating a safe container for the mess to get really messy. The less it is about me, the better it is for my client. Sometimes, I extract analogies to see if they can relate them to their own. The most important way to stay grounded is to also not take anything personally.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU’VE BEEN PARTICULARLY PROUD OF AT YOUR JOB RECENTLY?
I love seeing my clients thrive. I love seeing how they expand and experience breakthroughs that allow them to live their best life. When we find out the blocks we have in our lives and learn how to circumvent them or minimise them, it’s one less hurdle we have to get through. Seeing them feel empowered encourages me to do more.
WALK US THROUGH A DAY IN YOUR LIFE
I start the morning with a walk with my dog. It’s a great way to start my circadian rhythm and enjoy the first light of the day. I am the most productive in the morning until about noon. Then, I break fast around noon to have my first meal. I schedule meetings around this time and speak to my team about our upcoming projects. After work, I go for a short run outside with my dog and have dinner. I tend to do coaching calls with my clients in the evening and then wind down for bed.
COACH KARFEI
Founder and Lead Coach of Life Redesigned, 13 years of experience
HOW AND WHEN DID YOU REALISE YOU WANTED TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?
Growing up as a kampung boy, the only goal I had—up until I was 19 years old—was to climb the corporate ladder. However, with low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and speaking with “broken” English, it was a struggle for me. This was until I bumped into a mentor-cum-coach who drastically changed my life. What he did was help me gain clarity about myself, and most importantly, helped me build my self-confidence to a point where I saw myself differently.
When that happened, it sparked something in me. I asked myself, “If I was feeling lost and clueless and lacking confidence, how many other youths out there are feeling the same? What if I could do the same for other lost youth and university students?” And that was the point when I decided to pick up my first coaching certifications. One thing led to another, and here I am today.
HOW DOES ONE APPROACH A LIFE COACH?
Ask, ask, and ask! If you ever want to approach a life coach or even consider hiring a life coach, the best way to do it is to ask. Ask for information about the coach, and I highly recommend getting on a call or even meeting up with the coach to get to know what they can—and cannot—do for you.
As a life coach, I always believe that I cannot help everyone, but I can help the right people. Similarly, as a potential client, you should get to know the coach and feel the chemistry before committing to a coach. If a coach can solve everything for you, then you need to speak to a few more coaches!
HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE CLIENTS TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES?
People refuse to change when they do not have a compelling reason to change. We have all changed in our lives. Some changes were easier, while some were more difficult, but the common thing between them was the need to change.
My role as a coach is to guide and facilitate the process so that my clients are able to get clarity about what they want in their lives. When the goal and destination are clear, then the ‘how’ will unfold. Most people get stuck because they are unsure about what they really want.
Last but not least, I equip them with the belief and confidence that change is possible and doable. People don’t change because they are potentially afraid they can’t do it or have a lack of confidence that they can. This is partly because of our programming growing up and our fears. As a coach, I help clients discover these root causes affecting them and reprogram their beliefs to liberate them from fear so they are able to move forward and take action.
In summary, I help them with three things: identifying the need to change with a compelling reason, finding clarity in regards to the end goal, and building the confidence and belief that they can do it.
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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH DIFFICULT CLIENTS OR SITUATIONS?
Listen to understand, not to reply. This has been my mantra for when I face difficult clients (or people in general). We as humans can be too fast to react—for good intentions, from our own point of view—but the reactions are usually not helpful for us and the people that we are dealing with.
For me, whenever I face difficult situations with clients, I first try to understand their intentions and where they come from. Doing this helps disarm the client and makes them feel safe to share more. Then, I will be able to get into some form of agreement with them. We tend to agree with others when we feel safe, so I ask myself how I can create an environment where my client feels safe to speak when times are tough.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS RESISTANT TO CHANGE?
“What would happen if you don’t?” Instead of convincing someone to change, I would much prefer to get them to think. But getting them to think about why they should change is usually challenging as they would have a million reasons to defend themselves at first. However, if we could flip it around and get them to think of the consequences of not changing, then it might shock their system and make them really dive deep.
Then, I help the person break the process of changing into smaller chunks. When the change feels and looks big, it is stressful and always seems difficult to do, stopping people from actually doing it. My job as a coach is to work with them to break it down into manageable chunks to pick up quick wins and subsequently instil confidence and progress.
WHAT ARE SOME WELLNESS HABITS YOU SWEAR BY?
Personally, I believe in growing and improving myself in three matters: mind, body, and soul. My wellness habits on a day-to-day basis are usually reading for the mind, exercising for the body, and meditating for the soul. Like many people, I am not 100 per cent perfect with my habits and routines. Fatherhood or work will drain me; however, what I focus on is not perfection but progress. If I can’t read for 30 minutes, I’ll read for ten. If I don’t have time for a full gym session, I’ll spend ten minutes doing sit-ups or push-ups at home before showering.
Another thing that has been consistent for my wellness and mental well-being is maintaining my relationships. Tony Robbins once said, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.” I spend time with my wife as much as I can and I make time for the relationships that matter and grow them.
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HOW DO YOU STAY GROUNDED THROUGH ALL THE COACHING AND GUIDANCE YOU PROVIDE DAILY?
I learned that the best way to release what’s in our mind and body is physical activity and journaling. A couple of years ago, I had seven coaching sessions in one day, each lasting about one to one and a half hours. While I was proud that I had that many coaching clients and that my clients were getting results, I was battered. When I went to bed, I wanted to sleep, but my body and mind just didn’t let me.
That’s when I knew my mind was still full of my clients’ issues and problems. From then on, I realised that if I don’t focus on my well-being, I won’t be able to deliver a good job for my clients and ultimately, my own life. Whenever I have long and powerful coaching sessions, I will exercise after them to release my emotions or journal to allow my mind to process the thoughts in my mind.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU’VE BEEN PARTICULARLY PROUD OF AT YOUR JOB RECENTLY?
Too many to be honest! A client—who struggled to accept men in her life—told me she got into a relationship just one month after our coaching sessions. Another client finally spoke to her father after years of struggling with their relationship. I also delivered a corporate leadership program to all Asia-Pacific C-Suite members, MD’s, and VP’s in one of the largest energy companies in the world and received glowing feedback! Now, they want to fly me abroad to coach and speak to their other teams!
But honestly, what I am most proud of is my ability to get all my work done so I am able to pick up my son from his kindergarten.
WALK US THROUGH A DAY IN YOUR LIFE
As a life and leadership coach and speaker, my day-to-day life varies. On days with corporate programs, I will be at my client’s home, office, or training room from 9am to 5pm. Whereas when I mostly have coaching calls on my agenda, I spend my time in my office on calls or meeting with clients for coaching.
With all the work and travel (for work!) that I have on my plate, I aim to be able to finish work to pick up my son from kindergarten before continuing work from 8.30pm to 10.30pm. Unfortunately, as a coach and business owner, the best time to get work done is at night, when I can do client reading, research, and preparation for the next day.
VANESSA TEVI KUMARES
Certified life coach from Jay Shetty Certification School
HOW AND WHEN DID YOU REALISE YOU WANTED TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?
After coming back from competing in Miss Universe in 2016, I was around 25 at that time and was going through a phase of transition where I felt so lost. At that point in my life, I constantly met people telling me what I should do, who I should be, and what kind of job I should deem successful. However, I also remember thinking that none of what was mentioned resonated with me. I wished I would meet someone who—instead of telling me what I should do—would help me see the potential I know is within me that I wasn’t able to see and someone who could help me get clarity on what was standing between where I am now and where I wanted to be in the future.
I had no idea that this person would come in the form of a life coach. When I started to learn more about what one really does, I have never been more sure that this was the path I wanted to pursue. To me, it wasn’t just a job, it was a purpose. I would be serving a younger me who wished she had the help she needed. After years of researching and looking for a school I resonated with, I was 31 years old and had found the right certification program that I wanted to enrol in: Jay Shetty Certification School.
HOW DOES ONE APPROACH A LIFE COACH?
First, identify what it is you are seeking help with right now. Then, find a coach—whether through their website or social media—based on your values and what you seek clarity on.
Essentially, however you stumble upon a life coach, don’t be afraid to reach out and drop them a text to show your interest. Most life coaches will provide a complimentary 45-minute Discovery Call, which allows you as a client to present your queries. It is also for the coach to understand what you’re presenting.
From there, the coach will assess if it is in their expertise to help guide you on your journey. If they reckon they are not the right fit, it is their duty to let you know, support you and allow you to find the best fit for you. At the end of the day, coaching is a business, yes. But the right coach who is working from a place of purpose is a coach who wants you to win in life, whether it is with them or someone else.
HOW DO YOU MOTIVATE CLIENTS TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGES?
This can be a tough one. The more you learn about the human mind and behaviour, the more you learn that motivation is intrinsic and temporary. Nobody can make you do the things you are not ready to do for yourself. So, as a coach, our role is to help discover the root cause of the lack of motivation and why a positive change is crucial in the given circumstance. Once that surfaces, we will be by your side to help guide you with the building blocks that you are ready to bring forth in yourself and are ready to take on.
TLDR: Everything starts with awareness. Once the building blocks are set up, the positive changes will naturally come. Change is a natural byproduct of being aware of what is causing us to function the way we do and that awareness will transcend into many areas in our lives beyond motivation. It will become subconscious and eventually, a lifestyle.
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HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH DIFFICULT CLIENTS OR SITUATIONS?
Empathy and staying in a space of relatability. I don’t take difficult situations or clients to heart simply because I know the difficulty isn’t mine to endure. I am usually quite direct in a polite way and what I usually do is verbalise the picture my clients are currently painting for themselves. Then I get them to identify their blind spots and ask them if they’re ready to address it because the key to the change they wish to see in their life does not lie with me but with them and only them.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD SAY TO SOMEONE WHO IS RESISTANT TO CHANGE?
I would tell them to contemplate this saying: “The only permanence in life is impermanence.” This message has stuck with me ever since I came back from my first silent retreat in 2017. It helps me get through stubborn days. Change is happening every second of the day, whether or not you pause long enough to notice it. The sooner one accepts this and learns how to live equanimously with change, the sooner you will be able to see how every change happens for you, not to you. Nothing is forever, quite literally, as things break and need updates…so do we.
WHAT ARE SOME WELLNESS HABITS YOU SWEAR BY?
Keep things simple. To clear your mind and create separation from what was to what is, take five to 10 minutes to breathe in silence and meditate.If you’re anxious, journal. If you’re overwhelmed, step outside or go for a walk outdoors. If you’re feeling down and unmotivated, do something random that fills your cup each week. Take yourself out on a date! Also, sign up for something that gets you into a space of reflection and that will keep you moving the needle forward in life yearly. It could be a retreat, a course, a book club, or an immersive holiday.
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HOW DO YOU STAY GROUNDED THROUGH ALL THE COACHING AND GUIDANCE YOU PROVIDE DAILY?
This realisation came to me quite loudly when I turned 30. I got goosebumps when it was mentioned during one of the lectures during my Jay Shetty Certification Course and it was to always remain a student of life. There is always going to be someone behind you, but there is also always someone ahead of you. Learning to choose to see that no one is better than me and I am no better than anyone out there, helps me stay open and evolving on this journey of life. It has taken loads of self-work to truly understand that. I acknowledge growth within me, but every day I remind myself to stay curious, open, and be in deep gratitude for what I have going on today. Pausing to reflect and journal really helps.
WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU’VE BEEN PARTICULARLY PROUD OF AT YOUR JOB RECENTLY?
I think seeing progress and hearing how your clients come back with feedback on how they’ve witnessed the change in their lives is always something amazing. Maybe on a personal challenge side, I am proud that I finally got out of my head and launched my first Community Series Workshop called “Release & Align” in late November 2023. It came at a really nice time before the year ended and I intend to launch more series like this! I wish to see more Malaysians live more intentional, purposeful lives and the goal is to make it more accessible for people who are curious but are afraid.
WALK US THROUGH A DAY IN YOUR LIFE
Everyday looks slightly different as I balance the several hats I wear from life coaching to teaching yoga and navigating the social media world. On a usual day, I start with slow mornings. I try to keep myself off my phone in the mornings while I allow my system to reboot from a good night’s sleep. I like to quietly sit without distractions for 10 minutes to set my intentions for the day and make my favourite cup of latte with a tinge of honey. Then, I’m off to the co-working space I work from to take on my day. On days I want to ground and clear my mind, I usually make time to go for a walk in the park.
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