A guide to growing your bangs out, according to our favourite celebrities
Hair-lariously dire
Put the scissors down and calmly step away from the scene…
You’re standing in your bathroom, scissors in hand and hair in the basin. You’ve been crying for so long, you can’t even tell if there are any tears left. It’s always like this.
For some reason, like clockwork, you forget about the last time you did this and you decide to give yourself some bangs again. The result is always the same—it’s bad. You’ve saved money on a hair appointment, but at what cost? Well, at least it makes for good content.
Now that you’ve got bangs, let’s walk you through the process of growing them out from start to finish.
Writer’s Note: This article is only mostly autobiographical…
1. Micro bangs
Here’s where it starts. Your fourth mental breakdown of the week and in your frenzy you’ve given yourself some micro bangs. On the one hand—yikes. You start to cry. But then you realise that, on the other hand… it’s kind of cute. You think of Emma Watson and liken yourself to her.
In fact, you look like every Manic Pixie Dream Girl in virtually every indie film on the planet, and you’re not just saying that because there’s nothing you can do about your fringe at this point (though, there isn’t). That said, it’s definitely not what you were going for and you refuse to let anyone else see them in case they let you know what they really think. You’re not ready to face the consequences of your actions and so you whip out your hat collection—a move of desperation.
A big hat like Rashida Jones’ hides both your fringe and your shame!
You think you can still turn it around and Lily Rose-Depp has shown you the way of the baseball cap. Somehow you don’t think you’re pulling it off quite as she has. You ditch the baseball cap.
You’re still not entirely sure how to use a beret (Is it the hat that’s weird or just the shape of your head? Is it just not supposed to stay on?) but you’re trying something new and no one is saying it doesn’t look good (it doesn’t, but they’re being supportive).
You then find the headbands you impulse-bought six years ago, pull a Vanessa Hudgens and use it to cover your mistakes. It works well, no one is the wiser about your fringe-y foe but you can’t help but notice it’s making you break out.
2. Baby bangs
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So, you’ve given it a good month and they’re about halfway down your forehead. The more you look at it, the more you think you look cool as hell—Bella Hadid could never! But, also, the more you look at it the more you see Lord Farquaad from Shrek.
Eventually, your tears blur your vision so much that you don’t see much of anything at all. You ping-pong between these two moods until your bangs reach your eyebrows. They’re still too short to do anything with so you stick to your hats on bad hair days.
3. Blunt bangs
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At this point, you either love them or hate them and you can’t decide which one it is. When you were cutting your bangs, this is exactly what you pictured. You’re basically Zooey Deschanel now. Except, why are they so blunt?
You pick up the scissors again and toy with the idea of thinning them out a little and trimming the middle so that the length tapers out at the edges. You then remember that this is exactly what got you into this mess in the first place and you put the scissors down. Put the scissors down.
Okay. Right. So, the bad news is that they’re still a fringe. The good news is that they’re finally long enough to pin off your face! Lucky for you, clips, braids and twists are abundant.
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God, Saoirse looks so good. Everything about this look just screams perfect, but you’re now on your 43rd French braid tutorial and you still don’t know what you’re doing. You’ve been at it for so long that you cannot give up now. Turns out, the 45th time is the charm and French braids aren’t even that hard… apart from the part that you can feel neither your fingers nor your arms.
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Caroline Polachek makes it look so easy, clipping her bangs back in style. There’s just one question: Where do we get Mother of Pearl bobby pins? (Asking for a friend).
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Okay, so Iris Law doesn’t have a fringe (and is most definitely buzzed) but who are you to say she doesn’t have bad hair days? Your fringe is a little greasy, so you pin your fringe back and cover the evidence with a classy silk chiffon scarf.
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You’ve taken a shower and haven’t had time to style your devil bangs. You figure you’re not leaving the house today so it doesn’t matter anyway. Then, you feel it. You need tampons and you need them now. You rush out to get some from the shops, towel still on your head. You look insane but at least no one can see your fringe.
4. Long fringe
Your fringe has now crossed your eyebrow line and you are irritated. They are constantly in your eyes, they’re still too short to be a curtain fringe and it’s too tiresome to have to style them every day. The worst part? You don’t even look a little bit like Kaia Gerber. Unbelievable.
You toy with the idea of trimming the middle shorter for a cute little taper, then remember that, once again, you are your own worst enemy.
So, you hop on the phone and make an appointment with your stylist (who you’ve been ardently avoiding!). Until then, you manage the bangs by curling your hair into bouncy ringlets à la Selena Gomez.
When your appointment finally arrives, your can’t bear to see the disappointment in your stylist’s eyes. Nevertheless, they finally do the job right for you. Your bangs are now cut in an upside-down “U” shape, with the outer parts being longer than the inner which means you can see.
5. Curtain bangs
You let it grow out like this, parting it down the middle as it goes so that they’re out of the way, but framing your face at the same time. Eventually, they become long enough that you can blend them in properly with the rest of your hair. You start at Dakota Johnson and end up at Jenna Ortega.
In this process, you’re getting really bored of middle parts and you suddenly remember side parts exist. This comes as an epiphany as you’re rewatching Easy A. You run to the mirror, manic and armed with a brush in hand, and sweep your bangs to the side. There. Emma Stone incarnate.
6. The final lap
You’ve been growing them out for a few months now and you’re nearly scot-free! There’s the small issue of your bangs being about 13 inches shorter than the rest of your hair, but there’s an easy fix. You head to the salon, cut your hair short and ask your stylist to throw in a few layers. Why not?
You look great. This is perfect—you have a trendy haircut à la Zendaya and the bangs are gone. Only… you kind of miss them. Also, your hair is really short. Surely, you wouldn’t have asked for it to be this short! And, sure, it’s trendy—but trends come and go, don’t they? Long hair will be in before you know it. Oh dear, and your forehead is just so visible. Maybe this was a mistake…
Uh oh.
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