“Everyone is either dating, married, or starting a family, while I’m still a single 20-something adult.” Does this statement hit close to home for you? If you’ve been looking for that special someone for years to no avail, don’t give up just yet! Perhaps it might be time to give dating apps a try…
Though once considered taboo, dating apps like Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, and Tinder have now become the norm for many to look for potential partners. After all, dating as an adult is difficult enough as it is—between making time for a date, keeping the conversations flowing, or even finding the right candidate—why make unnecessary rules about how to get into the scene in the first place?
For those completely new to dating apps, we understand that it can be daunting to hop on one. Hello, where and how would you even start? To make the process a little less complicated or anxiety-inducing, we asked four couples who met on dating apps—and successfully hit it off—to share some valuable insights.
Alyssa and Benjamin, both 29
- Met on Coffee Meets Bagel
- Currently engaged for six months after dating for over a year
When and why did you start using a dating app?
A: It was during Covid when it was hard to meet people ‘naturally’. Also, my friends were doing it a lot in other countries so I thought why not give it a try?
B: I believe it was during my university years when I tried it out casually out of curiosity. My friends were trying it out, and that made me want to try too.
What was your game plan when using the dating app?
A: To meet/talk to as many guys as I could. It sounds bad (laughs) but I just wanted to have fun casual conversations and get to know the guys just as people first and nothing of romantic interest yet. I definitely had a checklist that I applied much later after the initial conversations flowed better. I wanted to find someone I could date long term but I knew that it was important for me to approach dating, especially online dating, with a fun, light and positive attitude rather than being so uptight and serious. I really wanted to enjoy the process.
B: I went in with a blank sheet in mind during the start as I wasn’t sure how things would work. But as I gained more experience, my goal was to keep the conversations going until we shifted the conversations out of the app and eventually went out on dates.
How long were you using the app before you found your current partner?
A: I think it was about two years on-and-off. I was on the app during the pandemic and then I was off the app for about one-year-plus before I started again. And when I did, it was about three months in before I found my current partner.
B: I would say close to eight years, on and off the app, with past relationships in between. But I would say the app definitely serves as a low-barrier platform to get into the dating scene.
How did you know that your current partner is “the one” out of all the candidates on the app?
A: I didn’t know he was ‘the one’ until after the first date I think, and that was after three to four weeks of chatting and phone calls first. I actually put some pressure on him when we were still chatting on the app because after one week, CMB makes you move out from the app into another platform to chat and he hadn’t asked for my number yet. And so I told him that if he didn’t want to talk on a proper messaging app, then I wouldn’t want to continue. He responded really well (laughs). He was very intentional about why he was on the app and made it clear that he was trying to court me. I like that—I think men (and women too) need to be clear about their intentions when dating. Not only did we have meaningful topics of conversation but he was (and still is) also super respectful to me. All of that, among other things, was how I guess I knew.
B: I personally don’t believe in ‘the one’. It’s probably a fluke on intuition. To me, aligning core values and commitment are the most important factors to know whether she is the person I want to marry. Because we are both Christian, we believe in being equally yoked so that we are pulling the boat in the same direction. There were clear signs during our dates that she was intentional and transparent with her Christian walk, and bold and assertive with what she wants.
What are your tips for others looking to find a partner through dating apps?
A: You need to trust the process because it can get long and tiring. I always think it’s important to have fun, get to know people, don’t get stressed out or disappointed if you can’t find someone as quickly as others, and to keep an open mind about things. I think it’s totally okay to take a break in between if you get exhausted.
B: Be clear on your intentions and what you are looking for in a partner. If you’re serious about it, you will put in the effort. If you’re in it for the fun of it, don’t bother to try and don’t waste other people’s time. Have a strong filtering process (religion, beliefs, location, age) and a mental checklist. This will lead and guide you through the journey until you find the right partner.
Fionaa (28) and Hilman (31)
- Met on Tinder
- Currently married for two years after dating for four years
When and why did you start using a dating app?
F: I had just broken up and wanted to meet new people. I wasn’t really looking to date, to be honest. At the same time, I was pretty curious because Tinder’s popularity was just starting to rise, so I signed up!
H: I started using dating apps on and off from when I was 22 to look for a relationship. I was looking for companionship and figured dating apps were the easiest way to meet new people.
What was your game plan when using the dating app?
F: None (laughs). I just talked to the people I vibed with and ghosted the ones who gave me the ick. I wasn’t looking to date and I enjoyed the camaraderie with all my fellow girlies who were Tinder-curious. I set my preference to both male and female, and I really enjoyed talking to most of the girlies there. I think I’m still friends with some of them to this day.
H: Try to have somewhat interesting conversations with your matches. Playing on hard difficulty (because I believe I have average looks) meant I didn’t have many matches to begin with, and I seized every opportunity I had by having meaningful, if not interesting, conversations. Also, I learned to move on quickly if I had to do all the heavy lifting in the chats without any reciprocation.
How long were you using the app before you found your current partner?
F: Maybe a few weeks in.
H: Three years on and off.
How did you know that your current partner is “the one” out of all the candidates on the app?
F: I didn’t really know until after we hung out for over three months. By then, I had already started liking him. But as for the big question on why I swiped right, I just thought his bio was funny and he seemed like a nice guy. He also wasn’t like the other guys who badgered me for my number because he waited *three whole weeks* to ask me if he could talk to me on WhatsApp. Who said chivalry was dead?
H: When going out on a date with her wasn’t a ploy for her to invite me to her MLM scheme. Just kidding. (But for real, I went out with another one of my matches and our “date” was an MLM recruitment event.) Seriously though, after our initial friendship turned into dating a few months in, things steadily became more serious, and eventually after three years of dating we started discussing marriage.
What are your tips for others looking to find a partner through dating apps?
F: Be straightforward on what you’re looking for. If you don’t see things going anywhere with a person, then it’s time to set your sights on something new. I would say it’s also important to be with someone who can be your best friend because companionship is what makes relationships and marriages thrive, in my opinion.
H: Don’t rush into relationships. Self-love is very important. If you cannot begin to love yourself, do not expect anyone else to fall in love with you.
Carmen (24) and Luke (29)
- Met on Coffee Meets Bagel
- Have been dating for one year and seven months
When and why did you start using a dating app?
C: I started back in 2017, dating apps were talked about a lot then and I wanted to get in on the hype (laughs).
L: Around 2017—it was a way to meet new people and talk to the person before meeting up, which was a big plus. I was also travelling a bit back then and dating apps made things easier.
What was your game plan when using the dating app?
C: Starting the conversation off with a good opening line, I feel like it’s the best way to see whether you’ll have chemistry and if the other person will feed off your energy.
L: Go in with no hesitation and start the conversation to have an early feel of what might lead to something. I didn’t want to waste time.
How long were you using the app before you found your current partner?
L & C: On and off for five years.
How did you know that your current partner is “the one” out of all the candidates on the app?
C: He didn’t seem like a “try-hard” and our conversations flowed naturally.
L: Conversations with her were effortless, I felt like I could talk to her about anything at any point of the day.
What are your tips for others looking to find a partner through dating apps?
C: I would say to just enjoy your time getting to know people. Don’t take rejections personally, being ghosted by someone happens to all of us. Never be too hard on yourself.
L: Know where you stand with your personal beliefs, know your worth, and find some who wants to be with you for who you are.
Adelina and Yen Shen, both 35
- Met on Coffee Meets Bagel
- Currently married for eight months after dating for four years
When and why did you start using a dating app?
A: I was only on one dating app, Coffee Meets Bagel, before I connected with my now husband. As an introvert, my (very small) social battery could only handle being on one app at a time. The funny thing is that in my early twenties, I’d swore I would never go online to look for a partner. But never say never—I think as it becomes harder to meet new people, we have to actively seek out ways to expand our social circle.
YS: Since 2018, as I wanted to look for a partner who shares my interests. Coffee Meets Bagel was introduced to me as a more professional dating app compared to Tinder and I decided to go for it.
What was your game plan when using the dating app?
A: I didn’t really have a strategy except to play the numbers game. That, and trying to keep text conversations rolling (the keyword really is to try). It’s not easy to build rapport with someone you’ve never met in person—and to do it quickly as attention spans are so short. You’ve only got so much time to spark a connection before someone decides to move on.
YS: To look for a long-term relationship and eventually marriage, as it was difficult to find a partner in a work setting.
How long were you using the app before you found your current partner?
A: I think for about two years, on and off. I would get really motivated to go on the app and then feel burned out after a while and take a break. This cycle kept repeating till I met my husband.
YS: A good one and a half years and some trial and error with other relationships.
How did you know that your current partner is “the one” out of all the candidates on the app?
A: We’ve got very similar interests and values, maybe because we have the same birthday! On our first date, we hit it off and went for coffee after dinner, as we had so much to talk about—travel, history, culture, food, even Pokemon (laughs).
YS: When I realised that we have the same interest (Japan), quirky humour, and also the same birthday.
What are your tips for others looking to find a partner through dating apps?
A: There’s a saying that the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find ‘the one’. This is true to an extent but also know your limit and take breaks from the app when you have to. Build a life you love for yourself, so you’re able to share it with ‘the one’ when they come along.
YS: Don’t be afraid to try and experience new relationships and see what fits you the best. It allows you to better understand your preference in a relationship.
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