Food + Drink

How to be better foodies in 2016

Gastronomic resolutions


By Buro247

How to be better foodies in 2016

Ever since a friend rightfully called me up years ago for saying “I don’t read mainstream fiction” as I simultaneously realised what I was saying, and how hysterically pretentious it made me sound, I’ve attempted to put a filter on the things I declare. This has been especially salient when it comes to food, because it’s a fine line between giving someone useful restaurant information, say, and sounding like an utter twat when you go one sentence too far, and rabbit on about how you and Francis Mallmann share the same culinary philosophy of foraging. Ergo, as the end of the year thunders towards us with unnerving speed, perhaps we would be well served to remember how to be better foodies (yes, I realise ‘foodies’ is a whole minefield in itself, but let’s leave that fight for another day; for now, it’s a convenient descriptor, shall we say?) next year and fervently resolve not to be guilty of the following crimes:


  1. 1. We won’t Instagram everything that goes into our mouths 

  2. Unless it’s your job (even then, I resolutely refuse to photograph anything unless it’s particularly meritorious and worth sharing for the greater good), why do you need to photograph every item of food (or worse, the scraps from your meal) to share? There’s enough gastro-junk already littering the ether; let’s make it our civic duty to reduce, reduce, reduce!

  3. 2. We won’t beleaguer friends and family members with our most recent culinary triumphs 

  4. You may have mastered the art of fermentation and your kitchen may now be replete with kombucha-filled jars, but that doesn’t necessarily mean George in Accounts wants to be privy to every last detail. Spare your friends; spare them the details.


  6. 3. We won’t invite friends over just to show off our wine/top-grade Wagyu with 9.9 marbling/hand-cast knife/artisanal Gin collection 

  7. Why? Because, far from being impressed, your friends will see you for the utter tosser that you are. Less is best when it comes to gastronomic one-upmanship, dear readers.


  9. 4. We won’t bulldoze friends into eschewing their favourite nasi lemak to go somewhere trendy that we discovered 

  10. Because let’s face it, I don’t care how mind-blowing the organic eggs Benedict and artisanal small-batch Ethiopian cold-pressed coffee in the achingly cool new cafe du jour must be. When push comes to shove, nothing beats a good bang-up hawker meal at your favourite coffee shop, so don’t push it. Just don’t.


  12. 5. We won’t make a show of looking incredulously-and pitifully-at friends who admit they don’t like sweetbreads, shirako, and any other exotic foods

  13. Eating—and vociferously declaring your passion for—sea urchin gonads and fish sperm doesn’t make you a better foodie, it just ups the ante on your ‘pretentious git’ rating.


  15. 6. We won’t rattle off the names of Michelin-starred restaurants at which we dined at every opportune moment 

  16. Because, like stuffing your face in front of starving beggars, it’s just cruel, and unfathomably rude.


  18. 7. We won’t casually mention how enraptured we are with the latest Redzepi/Adriá/Arshak cookbook, and how successful we were at making the recipes on our first attempt 

  19. Because, my friends, everybody will know it’s a barefaced lie.


  21. 8. We won’t pepper wait staff at restaurants with questions and delay everyone’s meal just to show how knowledgeable we are 

  22. Yes, it’s sustainable. No, it wasn’t hand-picked by virgins under the full moon of the summer solstice, and yes, please, we would like to order our food too, so could you save your questions for another time, preferably when we’re not dining together?


  24. 9. We won’t feel the need to own every new kitchen gadget that hits the market 

  25. Because, unless you live in a mansion that needs filling up with crap, it’s just wasteful, and waste, as we all know, is criminal.


  27. 10. We promise to do our absolute best not to be guilty of the aforementioned nine resolutions 
  28. We absolutely do.


Follow Fay on Twitter and Instagram at @misskhoo.


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